The Daniel Brewer/Danielle Trudeau Stalker(s)

I had a very disturbing experience in February from someone who is mentally/emotionally unstable, and the whole experience has left me bewildered. Since then, I’ve received fake friend requests, phone calls, and recently had the annoyance of having to request a new Amex card because my old one was compromised.

This person, Danielle Trudeau, was an enlisted soldier stationed at Fort Hood, Texas. She had actually sent me a friend request around October of last year, and then cancelled the request… but it gets even more creepy. She contacted me on February 21st, and for about eight hours harassed me. I believe her initial intentions was because she was jealous of me and wanted me to know of her existence.

She stated that she is the “fianceé” of my ex, Daniel Brewer. (This person reminded me of Glenn Close’s character from Fatal Attraction!) She was unhinged and went on some crazy rampage about how much sex they have, sucking his dick, he loves her tits and ass, she’s the best thing to happen to him, and her “pussy is the bomb” (I’ve nicknamed her the bomb-pussy-psycho)… I actually found her very repulsive, and was surprised that someone in the military would belittle themselves like that. (I guess Army enlistment standards aren’t very high.)

This lunatic was trying in vain to convince me how happy she was, by stalking me and acting like a nut. (I think she might have possibly been convincing herself too.) The strange part was, I had not had contact with Brewer for over a year and am getting married in June.

I realized how emotionally unstable (possibly even mentally ill) she is when she started tauting me about being Asian — calling me a “chink”, “ugly Asian”, “ugly eyes” — and goes on to mock me about being a teacher (someone who never even went to college and is getting an online degree, should probably understand the irony of that… but she’s obviously too ignorant for irony).

The bizarre part was, when I realized she was obsessed with me. She claimed her “BFF” saw me at Walmart and took a picture of me. (I’m in Iowa… and if I’m to believe her, she’s admitting to having people follow me and take pictures of me.) She starts taunting me about my guy, telling me she’s seen a picture of him, saying stuff about him; and she even brought up my son… this Danielle Trudeau is a bonafide stalker in every sense of the word!

I believe she got a hold of Brewer’s phone, read old emails and text messages from me, to me, and about me; and that Brewer was complacent in her craziness. She continued with her crazy with saying something along the lines of I better hope that my principal doesn’t find out I had sex with a student (she actually tried to threaten me!) — am I surprised?

Well, Daniel Brewer actually had called my fiancé’s CO about six months after we broke up in an attempt to hurt my new relationship — you see, Brewer was a disgraced CBRN captain who lost his company command after only five months with the 181st Chemical Company, of the 48th Chemical Brigade at Fort Hood… for fraternalizing with an enlisted female soldier under his command.

Thinking about it, it doesn’t seem that far-reaching that he ended up with an uneducated lunatic who is devoted to obsessively stalking me. I actually screenshot about eight hours worth of her harassment and sent it to Brewer’s former chain-of-command in the Army.

I found out that the Army basically gave him the boot and his career was more-or-less finished with the Army after the fraternalizing charge, but as chance would have it, he found a job with his home-state of Virginia. (The Army was very helpful when they saw the screenshots in providing me with info to put a stop to her lunacy.)

They suggested that I go to my local authorities, since they were both out of the Army and there wasn’t anything that the Army could do anymore. This Danielle Trudeau was a unit supply Specialist — which basically means she made copies at the copy machine — but was instead trying to present herself as some elite warrior… she’s never even been deployed, even as a paper copier!

I took the advice of the Colonel and went to my local authorities. I pulled out my phone and let the police officer read the messages. He was shocked. The police officer even said, This was a soldier? She wouldn’t have gotten into the Marines! (The officer was clearly a Marine vet… and I agree, the Army takes all sorts of Marine rejects.)

Unfortunately, because she is out-of-state, the officer was limited to what he could do. But he did suggest I contact Brewer’s employer — the Virginia Department of Emergency Management. I sent three people a detailed email outlining the madness of all of this when the whole incident with my Amex card happened.

Beware of who you date. Something always told me there was something off with Daniel Brewer, and now he has convinced some nut named Danielle Trudeau to harass and disrupt my life… possibly because he knows my guy would body slam him like a journalist from The Guardian. (At 5’6″, Brewer has a very severe Napoleon-complex.)

I had written off the crazies in February, focusing on my upcoming wedding… when the peculiar incident happened with my Amex card recently. This is a mentally unstable person.

If you are in a similar situation, there are things you can do to stop this kind of nonsense. People like this are piss-yellow and hide behind a phone to do their crazy deeds, because they know they’d get a beat-down in person otherwise! The most important thing you can do is save messages and document all the lunacy; even the police officer was surprised those two nuts were in the Army — what do you expect from Army rejects like that though?

It’s Not Me, It’s YOU

Looking back, I felt sorry for her. She felt threatened by me. She wanted me to know of her existence because she felt insecure about me.

In a new relationship and you’re over the moon about the guy? — well, please don’t be like this lunatic my ex ended up with — read my Unwritten article to find out how I realized she was stalking me on social media:

Don’t Be My Ex’s Crazy New Girlfriend

50 Shades of Crazy

I finally got a chance to read this smut. Unbelievable. If I had the motivation to actually finish my book by its deadline so that it’ll be published, I could write better porn than this crap! They actually made a trilogy out of this obnoxious-ness… in book and film!

Alright, I had my fair share of crazy — where I’ve dealt with the crazy, and have even been the crazy. If there’s any ex out there reading this (or even a random guy using Google), here’s some insight for you, the clueless guy… the lacking in confidence guy, the dealing-with-this-crazy-shit guy… you know who you are. You are that geek who tries so hard to get the hot girl in all those teen-flicks, only to realize afterwards that you have all the confidence in the world (Revenge of the Nerds).

There’s the normal jealousy and insecurity that’s even cute and makes us feel loved, and then there’s the does-your-mama-know-your-ass-is-crazy. Yet many of us don’t know the difference.

What separates sweet possessiveness (as seen in the few insecure stages of love) with bitch-be-crazzzyyyyy? (I’m thinking of the movie Gone Girl here.) At what point do we say enough is enough?

When left unexplored and unresolved, possessive relationships can amount to feelings of misery, anxiety, anger, and even physical or emotional abuse — for women and men — hey, I’ve known a few crazy gals beat the crap out of guys who just took the beatings because they felt wrong to hit a woman back. I’ve always followed the mantra: Act like a man, get treated like one. So if women truly believe in equality, then expect to get punched in the face if you’re swinging at a guy. An even better mantra is: Keep your hands to yourself!

At first it can seem adorable and even flattering to be on the receiving end of your partner’s intense love and devotion, but after a while it becomes smothering and even destructive. Is your relationship supportive of your well-being, or a declination to your health and happiness?

Although it can be hard to admit flaws in a boyfriend, girlfriend or partner (except for me, I’m critical of everyone, ha!), it is worth getting real about your relationship for your own happiness. After all, you have to live with your decisions for the rest of your life. Essentially, if you don’t comply with what your partner wants, then comes the nagging, demanding, threatening, and/or emotional blackmailing.

Whenever you want to go out, meet up with a friend or family member, or even just take a break from them (because honestly, sometimes you just want to say I’m sick of looking at your face!), your partner wants to be a part of everything you do. Often they will discourage prolonged periods of going out and try to keep you confined to the house, typically in menacing or manipulative ways… like sex. Men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love — (Mallory Knox in Natural Born Killers flashes to mind).

Your partner keeps an eye on every little thing you do to the point of stalking you (or when they’re really nutty — they stalk your friends, your family, even your freakin’ ex’s ex). This might include logging in to your social media accounts and checking your private messages, reading through your emails or text messages, checking your internet browser history, etc… I usually just snoop through the papers on his desk like a normal weirdo, ha!

One key sign of a possessive boyfriend, girlfriend or partner is their tendency to remind you that you are the center of their world; so much so that they need no other friends or social connections because they have you… it’s when they display anger or resentment towards your friends, colleagues or family members — or the exact opposite, make “friends” with your friends, colleagues, and family — that the alarm bells should be sounding. I’ve never understood that need to be so clingy; you know, to extend the theory of six degrees by separation, and this from a woman that approves every random friend request sent — who the hell are those 250 people following me on Instagram and LinkedIn!?!

A dark and serious kind of jealousy seems to boil under the surface of your partner’s façade as they try to dissuade you from spending time with your friends, colleagues or family members. They might criticize, character-dissect, bring up old issues you’ve experienced, or even fabricate lies about those you want to spend time with, sometimes even turning you against those you care about. They might also make up stories about non-existent people and events to try to make you jealous; like, telling you someone asked them out, gave them a compliment, anything to try to make you feel as jealous as they do; they equate jealousy with love. This is the most serious and dangerous warning sign of an abusive or destructive relationship, because these behaviors are so hard to unmask or reveal.

In a possessive relationship, personal space is rarely a concept that is valued. If you have a possessive boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, chances are they will impose themselves too much on your need to have time, space and objects that are exclusively yours. To them, they need to know it ALL. What’s the name of your first pet, your best friend’s name, the make and model of your first car — dude, that’s how Russian hackers get your bank info! … Seriously though, they’re just crazy. (I’m thinking bunny-boiling Fatal Attraction.)

If you talk to a man or woman, they want to know why. If you get a phone call from someone, they want to know why. If you get a friend request from someone, they want to know why. If you get spam mail, they want to know why. And God help you if you innocently reveal any kind of attraction to another person! This might lead to severe guilt-tripping, emotional punishment, or even violence. (Think a young Mark Wahlberg in Fear.)

Going out? Better make sure that you get approval from your partner! The possessive boyfriend, girlfriend or lover will always openly invite themselves somehow to anything that you are a part of — oh, you’re going to a men’s prostrate club meeting, bring her along too because you are her world!

For some reason, your partner always seems to call or text you more than usual because you’re out, they know it, and wasn’t able to swindle their way into joining you. (Oh, I’m just texting you for the 50th time in the last 15 minutes to tell you how much I love you, miss you, am sniffing your underwear for the scent of you because you’re so great and I looovvvvveeeee you so much!) Every decision you make — your partner wants to be there. Period. Often you will even feel pressured to do what they want to do, even if the decision has nothing to do with them.

Your possessive boyfriend/girlfriend/partner has a way of diminishing your self-confidence. They might be emotionally abusive, gaslight you and make you feel as though you don’t truly know what is best for you. All of their jealousy, all of their paranoia, all of their controlling behavior… “it’s all just love”. Your partner justifies his/her toxic behavior by pulling the love card on you, thus paving an easy escape route to avoid responsibility and blame. In fact, you might have bought into the “love” excuse yourself, continuing to justify your partner’s destructive behavior because you are unconsciously too scared to face reality. Fear that this person is the best you can do, fear of wasted time and investment, fear of embarrassment in having to explain it all to others. Fear of being alone.

Possessiveness and any kind of controlling behavior in relationships is a clear sign of insecurity. And where does this insecurity come from? From the fear of abandonment, rejection and powerlessness. If your partner is possessive, it is very likely that they have a great lack of self-love and self-confidence, and this is because deep down, they feel that they need you in order to be happy, safe, secure, and successful. This is the main reason why you are their world, they have no motivation or ambitions of their own, and basically is riding on your coattails in friends, status, financial security, and satisfaction. They live by-carelessly through you. They are “successful” because you’re successful, and therefore they see themselves as successful too for being with you (For Colored Girls).

Re-establish your self-confidence and self-respect which might have been crushed or depleted in your relationship. For instance, explore self-assertiveness, how to love and take care of yourself, and if you are quiet by nature, learn how to discover your voice.

Set aside an appropriate time to talk with your partner. Open the conversation by letting them know how and why you appreciate them, and then merge into the problems you are facing with their behavior. Always talk in terms of their behavior. (No one likes to be called crazy; beware of the woman who adamantly denies it, because let’s be real, all women are to some degree crazy — sane is the woman who knows it.) This removes unnecessary blaming and negativity. Provide specific examples of what behavior is disturbing or upsetting you, and what you would like to change.

Be aware that your partner might get very offended, angry, dismissive, or upset. Prepare yourself for this beforehand to ensure that you keep your cool. Be very clear about what you want to change in the relationship. Remember, if you emotionally react, then the conversation is over once egos get involved.

If they agree to change, help them out by drawing attention to any possessive behavior in the future and setting “time out” periods where you sit together and talk about the progress being made. Possessiveness can’t be cured overnight. Give yourself an ultimatum if there’s no real effort to better the relationship from either side. If you can’t carry out these recommendations (e.g. due to abuse, egotism, financial dependency, etc.), it is best to consider ending the relationship, and build a support network for yourself.

Being in a smothering relationship can be really hard and stressful. Remove some of that stress and burden by letting go of unrealistic fears of being alone, starting over, embarrassment, etc. And if you have any advice… please feel free to lend a helping hand, there’s a lot of crazies out there!