[Book Review] Your Breakup, Your Blessing

A few days ago I received an email to review a new book: Your Breakup, Your Blessing: Breakup Self-Help — How to Live Before, During and After Divorce, by Karen R. Rivera.

This is a self-help book for women going through a divorce. On Amazon, I gave it 4 out of 5 stars. It is very straight forward and offers some good advice and insights. However, I find that most of the info in the book can be found by just using Google, where there are thousands of articles written about this subject. I, myself, have written lots of posts on my blog on dealing with a breakup.

With self-help books like these, on relationship advices, I find that most women are seeking answers to questions that their common senses already are telling them — but breakups, especially a divorce situation, is hard to deal with, and sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else instead.

The main criticism I have on this book is that it starts off its first chapter with different types of abuses in relationships. I don’t think this is a good self-help book for general breakups or divorces, automatically assuming that relationships are always caused by some sort of an abusive relationship is not accurate.

Like most self-help books, this one is targeted towards a female demographic, but I think it is best suited for someone in a relationship like Kourtney Kardashian, dealing with an alcoholic womanizing baby daddy relationship… or Nicole Simpson, who was actually in a physically abusive relationship.

Thank you to the author for the opportunity to review her book, and I wish her lots of success with it.

The Daniel Brewer/Danielle Trudeau Stalker(s)

I had a very disturbing experience in February from someone who is mentally/emotionally unstable, and the whole experience has left me bewildered. Since then, I’ve received fake friend requests, phone calls, and recently had the annoyance of having to request a new Amex card because my old one was compromised.

This person, Danielle Trudeau, was an enlisted soldier stationed at Fort Hood, Texas. She had actually sent me a friend request around October of last year, and then cancelled the request… but it gets even more creepy. She contacted me on February 21st, and for about eight hours harassed me. I believe her initial intentions was because she was jealous of me and wanted me to know of her existence.

She stated that she is the “fianceé” of my ex, Daniel Brewer. (This person reminded me of Glenn Close’s character from Fatal Attraction!) She was unhinged and went on some crazy rampage about how much sex they have, sucking his dick, he loves her tits and ass, she’s the best thing to happen to him, and her “pussy is the bomb” (I’ve nicknamed her the bomb-pussy-psycho)… I actually found her very repulsive, and was surprised that someone in the military would belittle themselves like that. (I guess Army enlistment standards aren’t very high.)

This lunatic was trying in vain to convince me how happy she was, by stalking me and acting like a nut. (I think she might have possibly been convincing herself too.) The strange part was, I had not had contact with Brewer for over a year and am getting married in June.

I realized how emotionally unstable (possibly even mentally ill) she is when she started tauting me about being Asian — calling me a “chink”, “ugly Asian”, “ugly eyes” — and goes on to mock me about being a teacher (someone who never even went to college and is getting an online degree, should probably understand the irony of that… but she’s obviously too ignorant for irony).

The bizarre part was, when I realized she was obsessed with me. She claimed her “BFF” saw me at Walmart and took a picture of me. (I’m in Iowa… and if I’m to believe her, she’s admitting to having people follow me and take pictures of me.) She starts taunting me about my guy, telling me she’s seen a picture of him, saying stuff about him; and she even brought up my son… this Danielle Trudeau is a bonafide stalker in every sense of the word!

I believe she got a hold of Brewer’s phone, read old emails and text messages from me, to me, and about me; and that Brewer was complacent in her craziness. She continued with her crazy with saying something along the lines of I better hope that my principal doesn’t find out I had sex with a student (she actually tried to threaten me!) — am I surprised?

Well, Daniel Brewer actually had called my fiancé’s CO about six months after we broke up in an attempt to hurt my new relationship — you see, Brewer was a disgraced CBRN captain who lost his company command after only five months with the 181st Chemical Company, of the 48th Chemical Brigade at Fort Hood… for fraternalizing with an enlisted female soldier under his command.

Thinking about it, it doesn’t seem that far-reaching that he ended up with an uneducated lunatic who is devoted to obsessively stalking me. I actually screenshot about eight hours worth of her harassment and sent it to Brewer’s former chain-of-command in the Army.

I found out that the Army basically gave him the boot and his career was more-or-less finished with the Army after the fraternalizing charge, but as chance would have it, he found a job with his home-state of Virginia. (The Army was very helpful when they saw the screenshots in providing me with info to put a stop to her lunacy.)

They suggested that I go to my local authorities, since they were both out of the Army and there wasn’t anything that the Army could do anymore. This Danielle Trudeau was a unit supply Specialist — which basically means she made copies at the copy machine — but was instead trying to present herself as some elite warrior… she’s never even been deployed, even as a paper copier!

I took the advice of the Colonel and went to my local authorities. I pulled out my phone and let the police officer read the messages. He was shocked. The police officer even said, This was a soldier? She wouldn’t have gotten into the Marines! (The officer was clearly a Marine vet… and I agree, the Army takes all sorts of Marine rejects.)

Unfortunately, because she is out-of-state, the officer was limited to what he could do. But he did suggest I contact Brewer’s employer — the Virginia Department of Emergency Management. I sent three people a detailed email outlining the madness of all of this when the whole incident with my Amex card happened.

Beware of who you date. Something always told me there was something off with Daniel Brewer, and now he has convinced some nut named Danielle Trudeau to harass and disrupt my life… possibly because he knows my guy would body slam him like a journalist from The Guardian. (At 5’6″, Brewer has a very severe Napoleon-complex.)

I had written off the crazies in February, focusing on my upcoming wedding… when the peculiar incident happened with my Amex card recently. This is a mentally unstable person.

If you are in a similar situation, there are things you can do to stop this kind of nonsense. People like this are piss-yellow and hide behind a phone to do their crazy deeds, because they know they’d get a beat-down in person otherwise! The most important thing you can do is save messages and document all the lunacy; even the police officer was surprised those two nuts were in the Army — what do you expect from Army rejects like that though?

GOP House Bill on Healthcare

Trump’s support-bases are mostly in red states in the Midwest like Iowa, and they are also the states that will be the most impacted by the new GOP House Bill on healthcare. Read my article at Thought Catalog to find out what that means for millions of Americans:

GOP House Bill on Healthcare

 

Happy Mother’s Day ♡

Happy Mother’s Day to me! ♡

Pictured is my annual Mother’s Day bouquet. No filter by the way, my bouquet really is this lovely; some of the flowers are still budding, but will open in a few days… I just noticed the flower-pick looks like the Twitter bird, ha!

And a huge congratulations to my SIL for earning her second master degree; she now has a master in nursing (besides from her first master in theology). We are all so proud of her. ♡

It’s Not Me, It’s YOU

Looking back, I felt sorry for her. She felt threatened by me. She wanted me to know of her existence because she felt insecure about me.

In a new relationship and you’re over the moon about the guy? — well, please don’t be like this lunatic my ex ended up with — read my Unwritten article to find out how I realized she was stalking me on social media:

Don’t Be My Ex’s Crazy New Girlfriend

Surviving a Deployment from the Sidelines

He had came out of Ranger School and was recruited to a LRS Company; a week after he finished Air Assault School, he had an opportunity to go with the next batch of guys deploying to Afghanistan, so he took it. It was good for his career.

Going through a deployment is the ultimate test in a military relationship. Find out what it’s like waiting for him to come home, on my Odyssey article:

Surviving a Deployment from the Sidelines

Saying Goodbye to a Friend

I originally published this on my blog in September 2015 — that was a tough month. Thrive Global (Arianna Huffington’s new company that she started after stepping down from her namesake company, Huffington Post) re-published my article on their Medium platform:

Taking Care of Your Own Emotional Well-Being First

Alpha Dog, or Beta Fish?

I knew my Captain was my real prince charming when he met my daughter. I had to go pick her up from her great-grandmother’s, and I told him I was going to go get her. I was expecting him to say he’d wait for me to come back, but instead he just went with me — as if I wasn’t telling him that I’d be back, but was telling him it’s time to go get my daughter. (I’m not sure if I adequately explained that.)

Hardly anyone meets my daughter, and even less get to meet my son.

I get asked a lot from my readers about why I stayed with my ex-fiancé for so long; a guy I didn’t love, or why I said yes to his proposal when my heart wasn’t in it… there’s a lot of reasons, I supposed; but one of the main reasons was he was actually a very nice guy to me… only, he wasn’t a very confident person.

He loved appearances. He loved telling people I’m a history teacher, especially since his last serious relationship he was dating a waitress. He was this insecure guy who I gave so much confidence to — (the man was wearing tighties before I made him change to boxers!) And I think he had some sort of Marine complex over being a soldier. I mean, it’s the usual bantering between the two branches, but I always felt he needed to prove to me (and himself?) that he was at the fore-front of a battlefield… only, he wasn’t. So really, how much combat can the guy pretend to have been in, right?

Again, all appearances. It’s like when you see someone living some made-up-life according to Facebook or Instagram. The filters make everyone’s life look a little better; but in reality, it’s all impressions. Impressions that people make to impress others.

I felt bad to even tell him how bad the sex was. I mean, he eventually found out when he saw a text I had sent to another guy saying how freakin’ lame the sex was (that was how we broke up, actually).

When we first started dating, I had to build up his self-esteem by lying and saying I called him “Captain Snapple cap” to my friends — the truth was, I told my girlfriend Emily how terrible the sex was, and we came up with that name because I told her I read the Snapple caps afterwards from boredom.

Confident people love to shine on others to build up their own self confidence too; it feels good to make others feel good about themselves. An apex woman needs an alpha male; two betas can be together, and an alpha male can be with a beta woman; but for an apex woman, only an alpha dog will do.

I knew he wasn’t the one, when after we got engaged the thought of him meeting my brothers (especially my brother John) and my son, gave me anxiety. Oh, don’t get me wrong — he was a very nice guy, and sweet to me, and he’s smart and very accomplished in his own right — but I felt I always had to build him up.

My ex-husband (the Marine) used to rag on my ex-fiancé to me all the time. Of course he had no idea what he looked like or who he was, except when he asked, What does he look like? My ex-husband, to prove my point on an alpha male, one day put my chain-lock (when I asked him to install it) all the way on top of where the door frame was, out of reach unless you were around his height or standing on a chair. Now, he didn’t do this because I’m 5’3″… he did it because he knew my ex-fiancé was 5’6″.

Yet, my Captain actually saw my ex-husband, and vice-versa, one day. We stopped by my ex-husband’s house to bring my daughter home… talk about awkward. One was in the car, the other at his front door, and they were both kind of measuring each other up — it reminded me of when unfamiliar male dogs circle around each other. They were about five yards away from each other, but the testosterone was so thick in the air, you could smell it! Like, what do men even think about when they size each other up like that? — who would win in a fist fight? A measuring contest? Who could dead-lift more weight???

I bring this all up because I remembered feeling like my ex-fiancé could never be a father to my daughter, and I never even wanted him to meet my son. When they say it takes a real man to be a father, that motto is so true — a real man would show the world that he doesn’t mind being a father to someone else’s kid. I knew that when my Captain came with me to get our daughter; he didn’t think I was telling him I’d be back after I picked her up, he thought I meant it was time to pick her up. ♡