[Read It Again] Elite Daily

Sorry guys, school starts in about two weeks, and there seems to be a lot of things to do… why not re-read (or read for the first time) one of my most popular articles.

This was actually my first published article. 10 signs to look out for if you think you’re in a dead-end relationship. Ladies, if the sex is lame, it’s game over! Fellas, if she’s not even buying groceries when you’re paying all the bills, you got yourself a leech. Check out the article:

https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/subtle-signs-dead-end-relationship/1857908/amp/

[Read It Again] Cyber-Stalking

Flashback-Friday! — re-read (or read for the first time) one of my articles on Unwritten that I wrote a few months ago…

Ladies, let this lunatic be the warning sign for you NOT to get on the crazy train; and fellas, look for signs if your woman is acting like this nut, to find someone you’re not ashamed of to take to your company Christmas party!

We Have Enough Crazy Exes, Don’t Be The Crazy Girlfriend

My Experience as a June Bride ♡

I am so thankful for such a wonderful mom-in-law, not enough credit is given to these women. Sure, everyone knows about the monster-in-law, and most brides hope for a mother-in-law, but very few are lucky enough to have a mom-in-law.

My guy wasn’t very involved in the planning, so it was his mom and me who planned it mostly; and it gave us an opportunity to get to bond with each other. We had a $10,000 wedding budget (we originally had a $5,000 budget, but then decided that wasn’t realistic for what we wanted).

For those in the surrounding Cincinnati area, our beautiful venue was at Norlyn Manor. They offer an inclusive wedding package that includes everything from linen to centerpieces. The starting price is $4,000 — our venue cost came out to about $7,500 alone; but we had upgraded our menu, included a cocktail hour, and our ceremony on site.

One of our tables in our reception room on the day of our wedding.

I got all my bridesmaids a bracelet from Amazon. (I bought myself one too.) The girls got their dresses from Forever21. I gave them three choices to choose from, they ended up all choosing the same dress. The guys got their suits at Men’s Warehouse, and the Dr. paid for their suit rentals. My reception dress I bought from an online retailer. My wedding dress I bought online from China (if you’re skinny enough, buying a dress from China will save you a few hundred bucks if you don’t mind waiting for the long shipping date).

You can’t tell in this picture, but there is a heart charm on the last link, and when you hook the clasp on a link, the heart dangles from it.

My flowers were the traditional red roses. My mom-in-law could have saved a lot of money if she had went with sunflowers (or any other flowers besides from roses). We used the centerpieces from our venue; so my mom-in-law only needed bouquets, corsages, and boutonnières… and decorations for the gazebo and table-toppers for a few “special” tables (our sweetheart table, the place-card table, etc.) — we had beautiful red roses in vases at these tables too.

Our beautiful red roses that were on our gift table, at the bar, our place-card table, etc.

I made all the prints myself, including the invitations. I used Gartner Studios kits, and they had so many bird themes. (Our wedding theme is lovebirds.) The only prints that I used a professional service for was our rehearsal dinner invitations, and that was a huge disappointment. I used Wedding Paper Divas; they were expensive, and there was a print error on the back of one of my cards; but the cardstock quality was excellent, so I’ll give them that.

I made the place-cards and all our invitations myself (except for our rehearsal dinner invitations). We saved A LOT of money on DIY printing.

Our wedding favors and engagement party favors I ordered online. For the wedding, we got stemless wine glasses engraved with birds on a branch and our names and date; for the engagement we got a lovebird salt and pepper shaker set from Amazon, (I wished I had ordered those for the wedding instead, they’re perfect!).

We got the Dr. and Mrs. a high-end Cuisinart carafe maker… it might be too high-tech for the Mrs. though, so the Dr. will have to program it instead. The guys got a really nice engraved drinking set in an engraved metal case as their gift.

Our wedding website was the Knot, and they even have a lovebird theme that matched our invitations. We registered at BB&B and Amazon.com because they are partnered with our wedding website; and our chosen charity is the US Fund for UNICEF — which is also partnered with the Knot for registry donations.

We went with the recommendations from our venue on the DJ (Steve Bender Entertainment, and our DJ, whose name was RJ, was excellent). My mom-in-law chose a bakery that she’s used before. I let her choose the design; she went with a tiered cake with red roses cascading down, and I bought our rehearsal dinner cake topper on Amazon. It’s two blue lovebirds with a top-hat and a veil.

Our beautiful wedding cake. (We saved the top layer, and it was left un-cut for our anniversary next year.) ♡

With the wedding itself, we did it within our $10K budget; but we had help from the Dr. and Mrs. on some of the expenses, and they also host our other events for us like our engagement party (unfortunately his grandpa got very sick around that time); and our rehearsal dinner was paid for by my wonderful brother John. We were very fortunate that they were able to help us out financially with some of the expenses because most couples have to foot the bill entirely on their own.

The whole thing cost closer to about $25,000 though if we included our honeymoon and things outside of the actual wedding; like all the traveling expenses for our wedding, the hotel for our wedding night, etc.

We are honeymoon-ing on an island resort with its own private beach! (I can’t wait, I miss being by the ocean, even if I don’t know how to swim, ha!) ♡ My hubby is never allowed to book a vacation ever again. I definitely felt he could have gotten a better price for our honeymoon if he had shopped around, but he doesn’t have the patience for that kind of stuff. Oh, well. I guess since it’s a honeymoon it’s okay to be extravagant and over-the-top, and even splurge a bit.

It’s Not Me, It’s YOU

Looking back, I felt sorry for her. She felt threatened by me. She wanted me to know of her existence because she felt insecure about me.

In a new relationship and you’re over the moon about the guy? — well, please don’t be like this lunatic my ex ended up with — read my Unwritten article to find out how I realized she was stalking me on social media:

Don’t Be My Ex’s Crazy New Girlfriend

50 Shades of Crazy

I finally got a chance to read this smut. Unbelievable. If I had the motivation to actually finish my book by its deadline so that it’ll be published, I could write better porn than this crap! They actually made a trilogy out of this obnoxious-ness… in book and film!

Alright, I had my fair share of crazy — where I’ve dealt with the crazy, and have even been the crazy. If there’s any ex out there reading this (or even a random guy using Google), here’s some insight for you, the clueless guy… the lacking in confidence guy, the dealing-with-this-crazy-shit guy… you know who you are. You are that geek who tries so hard to get the hot girl in all those teen-flicks, only to realize afterwards that you have all the confidence in the world (Revenge of the Nerds).

There’s the normal jealousy and insecurity that’s even cute and makes us feel loved, and then there’s the does-your-mama-know-your-ass-is-crazy. Yet many of us don’t know the difference.

What separates sweet possessiveness (as seen in the few insecure stages of love) with bitch-be-crazzzyyyyy? (I’m thinking of the movie Gone Girl here.) At what point do we say enough is enough?

When left unexplored and unresolved, possessive relationships can amount to feelings of misery, anxiety, anger, and even physical or emotional abuse — for women and men — hey, I’ve known a few crazy gals beat the crap out of guys who just took the beatings because they felt wrong to hit a woman back. I’ve always followed the mantra: Act like a man, get treated like one. So if women truly believe in equality, then expect to get punched in the face if you’re swinging at a guy. An even better mantra is: Keep your hands to yourself!

At first it can seem adorable and even flattering to be on the receiving end of your partner’s intense love and devotion, but after a while it becomes smothering and even destructive. Is your relationship supportive of your well-being, or a declination to your health and happiness?

Although it can be hard to admit flaws in a boyfriend, girlfriend or partner (except for me, I’m critical of everyone, ha!), it is worth getting real about your relationship for your own happiness. After all, you have to live with your decisions for the rest of your life. Essentially, if you don’t comply with what your partner wants, then comes the nagging, demanding, threatening, and/or emotional blackmailing.

Whenever you want to go out, meet up with a friend or family member, or even just take a break from them (because honestly, sometimes you just want to say I’m sick of looking at your face!), your partner wants to be a part of everything you do. Often they will discourage prolonged periods of going out and try to keep you confined to the house, typically in menacing or manipulative ways… like sex. Men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love — (Mallory Knox in Natural Born Killers flashes to mind).

Your partner keeps an eye on every little thing you do to the point of stalking you (or when they’re really nutty — they stalk your friends, your family, even your freakin’ ex’s ex). This might include logging in to your social media accounts and checking your private messages, reading through your emails or text messages, checking your internet browser history, etc… I usually just snoop through the papers on his desk like a normal weirdo, ha!

One key sign of a possessive boyfriend, girlfriend or partner is their tendency to remind you that you are the center of their world; so much so that they need no other friends or social connections because they have you… it’s when they display anger or resentment towards your friends, colleagues or family members — or the exact opposite, make “friends” with your friends, colleagues, and family — that the alarm bells should be sounding. I’ve never understood that need to be so clingy; you know, to extend the theory of six degrees by separation, and this from a woman that approves every random friend request sent — who the hell are those 250 people following me on Instagram and LinkedIn!?!

A dark and serious kind of jealousy seems to boil under the surface of your partner’s façade as they try to dissuade you from spending time with your friends, colleagues or family members. They might criticize, character-dissect, bring up old issues you’ve experienced, or even fabricate lies about those you want to spend time with, sometimes even turning you against those you care about. They might also make up stories about non-existent people and events to try to make you jealous; like, telling you someone asked them out, gave them a compliment, anything to try to make you feel as jealous as they do; they equate jealousy with love. This is the most serious and dangerous warning sign of an abusive or destructive relationship, because these behaviors are so hard to unmask or reveal.

In a possessive relationship, personal space is rarely a concept that is valued. If you have a possessive boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, chances are they will impose themselves too much on your need to have time, space and objects that are exclusively yours. To them, they need to know it ALL. What’s the name of your first pet, your best friend’s name, the make and model of your first car — dude, that’s how Russian hackers get your bank info! … Seriously though, they’re just crazy. (I’m thinking bunny-boiling Fatal Attraction.)

If you talk to a man or woman, they want to know why. If you get a phone call from someone, they want to know why. If you get a friend request from someone, they want to know why. If you get spam mail, they want to know why. And God help you if you innocently reveal any kind of attraction to another person! This might lead to severe guilt-tripping, emotional punishment, or even violence. (Think a young Mark Wahlberg in Fear.)

Going out? Better make sure that you get approval from your partner! The possessive boyfriend, girlfriend or lover will always openly invite themselves somehow to anything that you are a part of — oh, you’re going to a men’s prostrate club meeting, bring her along too because you are her world!

For some reason, your partner always seems to call or text you more than usual because you’re out, they know it, and wasn’t able to swindle their way into joining you. (Oh, I’m just texting you for the 50th time in the last 15 minutes to tell you how much I love you, miss you, am sniffing your underwear for the scent of you because you’re so great and I looovvvvveeeee you so much!) Every decision you make — your partner wants to be there. Period. Often you will even feel pressured to do what they want to do, even if the decision has nothing to do with them.

Your possessive boyfriend/girlfriend/partner has a way of diminishing your self-confidence. They might be emotionally abusive, gaslight you and make you feel as though you don’t truly know what is best for you. All of their jealousy, all of their paranoia, all of their controlling behavior… “it’s all just love”. Your partner justifies his/her toxic behavior by pulling the love card on you, thus paving an easy escape route to avoid responsibility and blame. In fact, you might have bought into the “love” excuse yourself, continuing to justify your partner’s destructive behavior because you are unconsciously too scared to face reality. Fear that this person is the best you can do, fear of wasted time and investment, fear of embarrassment in having to explain it all to others. Fear of being alone.

Possessiveness and any kind of controlling behavior in relationships is a clear sign of insecurity. And where does this insecurity come from? From the fear of abandonment, rejection and powerlessness. If your partner is possessive, it is very likely that they have a great lack of self-love and self-confidence, and this is because deep down, they feel that they need you in order to be happy, safe, secure, and successful. This is the main reason why you are their world, they have no motivation or ambitions of their own, and basically is riding on your coattails in friends, status, financial security, and satisfaction. They live by-carelessly through you. They are “successful” because you’re successful, and therefore they see themselves as successful too for being with you (For Colored Girls).

Re-establish your self-confidence and self-respect which might have been crushed or depleted in your relationship. For instance, explore self-assertiveness, how to love and take care of yourself, and if you are quiet by nature, learn how to discover your voice.

Set aside an appropriate time to talk with your partner. Open the conversation by letting them know how and why you appreciate them, and then merge into the problems you are facing with their behavior. Always talk in terms of their behavior. (No one likes to be called crazy; beware of the woman who adamantly denies it, because let’s be real, all women are to some degree crazy — sane is the woman who knows it.) This removes unnecessary blaming and negativity. Provide specific examples of what behavior is disturbing or upsetting you, and what you would like to change.

Be aware that your partner might get very offended, angry, dismissive, or upset. Prepare yourself for this beforehand to ensure that you keep your cool. Be very clear about what you want to change in the relationship. Remember, if you emotionally react, then the conversation is over once egos get involved.

If they agree to change, help them out by drawing attention to any possessive behavior in the future and setting “time out” periods where you sit together and talk about the progress being made. Possessiveness can’t be cured overnight. Give yourself an ultimatum if there’s no real effort to better the relationship from either side. If you can’t carry out these recommendations (e.g. due to abuse, egotism, financial dependency, etc.), it is best to consider ending the relationship, and build a support network for yourself.

Being in a smothering relationship can be really hard and stressful. Remove some of that stress and burden by letting go of unrealistic fears of being alone, starting over, embarrassment, etc. And if you have any advice… please feel free to lend a helping hand, there’s a lot of crazies out there!

♡♡♡

The Captain had briefings all morning, reintegration after deployment — they teach you useful stuff like rape is bad.

So in my last post, I wrote about cold feet. I asked him, does he feel anxious? He said he does, but that no one is really ready for this kind of stuff. Ha, that’s exactly how I feel! I love that we think the same way about it. And honestly, why should people feel bad about feeling a bit hesitant about huge life events like this anyway? Communication really is key, as cliché as that sounds. After all, it’s now 70° outside, and my feet are warm!

My mom-in-law sent me a text the other day about the mister’s grandpa, he’s in the hospital because of heart problems (the man is like 90 years old). Our engagement party is in 3 weeks, and I would hate for a tragic event to happen. When Shari passed away, it was the week of Christmas, and all I felt was immense guilt if I wasn’t absolutely miserable, especially during the holidays. His mom had told him the same thing, and I love her so much for being such a great mom-in-law; she’s done so much for us, like giving us this ridiculous party (I thought we were going to have a BBQ in his parents’ backyard or something!).

Everyone knows about the typical “monster-in-law”, but I don’t think enough credit is given for the mom-in-law. It’s wayyyyy better than the average mother-in-law. Like, my mom-in-law is AMAZING. She has even helped us pay for the wedding (although, to be fair, we wanted like 50 guests, not 125 guests!)… his whole family is kind of awesome, actually.

I had called my best bud ever, Ed; and the crazy part is Ed and my guy are so much alike, I told him about my cold feet. As always, the sensible Ed came to the rescue, he reminded me about how I felt last summer when meeting the mister’s family. So, rewind a bit, we got engaged during his deployment (which kind of sucked because we didn’t really have an “engagement” since he was in Afghanistan, but he totally made it up to me by letting me pick out my ring — no joke, I walked into Kay Jewelers and chose my own ring; if I had to put a price on his love, he loves me $6,000 worth, ha!)… one of the things that my guy said to me last summer when we were talking marriage was that I had to meet his family if we were going to get married.

I think a lot of women feel the same way about meeting the family for the first time. You kind of feel like you’re in the hot seat waiting to be judged. I was also anxious because basically his whole family graduated from Notre Dame, his dad is a pediatrician, his brother is a scientist, he has an uncle who’s a Delta pilot — I felt like I was even downgrading my own accomplishments because I’m the daughter of immigrant parents, and I was dating the all-American son, from the all-American family.

I bring this up because Ed reminded me why he is a great guy and it’s just the usual cold feet and nothing more — when I told all of these things to Ed, he said, But remember last summer when you asked him what if his family didn’t like you?

See, I was absolutely convinced his mother would hate me, so I said to him, What if your mother hates me!? … He said, “So what? I’m not taking dating advice from my mom.” It was then that I knew he is a great guy.

So we’re still trying to find a wedding song. I’m a huge Elton John fan, I love all his songs; recently I found out that his song Daniel has a cover version from Wilson Phillips… I actually listened to it on repeat because it reminded me of my guy while he was deployed. I Wikipedia the song, and learned that it’s about a guy from Texas who comes back from Vietnam and everyone hails him as a hero, but he just wants to go back to his normal life in his small little farm… someone hand me the kleenex, please!

It’s natural to have cold feet. Like I said, is anyone ever really ready for this stuff? But you know it’s the right one if you can talk about this directly with the person and feel better afterwards. I’m literally marking off the days on the calendar, only 102 more days to go… but who’s counting … ♡

Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights
Oh, I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel,
must be the clouds in my eyes … ♡

Happy Thoughts

On a Facebook post I saw this really cool concept. Get a mason jar or something and write down on a piece of paper every good thing that happened throughout the year — it finally gives me something to do with all those pickle jars that I have — basically you’re collecting happy moments in your pickle jar.

I had a lot of happy moments this weekend, even though today is a bit sad because it’s Shari’s birthday and I’ve missed her so much since her passing last month… but, I filed my taxes (I think I’m one of the few people who actually like doing their taxes because of the refund); and I know that at least some of my invitations made it through the US postal service. (I was worried about the postage… how embarrassing would it be if my recipients had to go pick up their invitations at their local post office and paid the balance for insufficient postage — is there a rock that I can crawl under and just die?)

My MIL text me today to tell me that she reserved a restaurant in March for our engagement party that she’s hosting for us. She’s so sweet (but secretly, I think she loves doing stuff like this — you know, planning events, hosting, having parties)… I’m the same way myself, I guess we both want to be party planners, ha! I fear though, she’s a bit too conservative for me.

I talked with the mister this morning, which always makes me happy. They are packing up their stuff and ready to come home in about a month. They had to cancel a few range stuff though because of the snow and bad weather. They took IDF in the nearby Afghan base a few days ago that woke him up while he was napping… he’s such a clown sometimes. He’s been doing nothing but hitting the gym for crazy hours in the day, his arms are probably the size of my thighs by now, ha!

I’ve missed him so much. I can’t wait for him to come home.